‘Twas Christmas on social media, when all through the house,
Everybody was posting, and clicking their mouse,
The Instagram filters were chosen with care
In hopes that each image would soon get a share.
Each status included a funny thing someone said,
So much to be documented, so much to be read!
Our boss at her desk, and Don in mid-nap,
Everyone geo-tagged and placed on a map.
When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter.
Away from my mousepad I began to explore
Blinked in the non-LCD light, and opened the door.
The moon was so pretty-like a promoted post,
And I suddenly saw it; a surprise Christmas ghost!
Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
When a little bald driver climbed down the apparatus
I immediately want to update my status
But more rapid than eagles his phrases they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now friend me! Now, like me! Now comment and share!
On PMS, On MICE, On Apollo agents so rare!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!”
And then I realized my posting was belated,
After all, Santa’s visit was so complicated!
As I reached for my phone and clicked the mobile app
Suddenly, on my shoulder, there came a gentle tap.
He looked a bit weary, St. Nick, all told,
And he said all my updates were getting quite old,
The LinkedIn, the job ads, your connections not growing,
Your posts – so annoying! Your comments – so corny!
You’re cluttering my news feed with statuses that bore me!
His droll little mouth was pressed tight in a line,
And he was totally giving me the Santa stink eye.
He spoke not a word more, but went to my browser,
Perused my timeline as he hitched up his trousers,
And rubbing his head with a murmur said, “so banal!”
And giving a nod, he deleted my wall!
Then he sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, You’re ALL a fine team,
Happy Facebook, Happy LinkedIn, no, this isn’t a dream!
Author: Linda Sharps + Sylvia Dominguez